Relationship - He is not that into you

Let’s face it, women usually provide men with a lot of excuses, cover up for their men or rather women love to live in denial. When it comes to dating, one of the big excuses for a man’s bad behaviour that I hear often is, “I really love him, he is a really good and caring person, he is not always like that”. I also hear, “He likes me, he just doesn’t want to admit it”, “he would change with time” Wrong. He is not into you.

Men are simple creatures, ladies, and quite honestly, they are not that difficult to figure out (i.e. if you actually pay attention you would notice relationship red flags you need to pick up on). They don’t have the complex range of emotions that women have and when they communicate among themselves, it is very basic communication at best.

Women bring a lot of emotional turmoil and heartache onto themselves by throwing logic out the window and trying to attempt to tune into a man using their emotions instead. This is usually where the common saying “being a nice girl does not pay” Lies! Being a nice girl can pay but lacking common sense or basic logic does not pay. Basic logic is what men use when communicating, not emotion. So why are you using emotions to decipher logic? (this might be what the ‘bad girls’ understand better)

So when dating, do not throw your common sense out the window or ignore it. Your common sense is your greatest and most valuable asset. At this stage, let’s get straight to the point; Possible red flags in a relationship or signs he is not that into you are:

He Wants A Relationship Right Away: this could be a big relationship red flag as he is probably “fast tracking” you into the bedroom. The speed with which he appeared could be the speed with which he’ll disappear.

You’re Calling Him: If he really likes you, he’ll call you or in some cases when you both are still trying to get to know each other at least a text message should suffice,  and with a lot of social platforms like Whatsapp, Blackberry messenger, etc it can be Free!, so no excuses. He’ll make time for you and he’ll want to beat out other men by making his presence known to you. If he’s not calling you, it’s because he’s avoiding you. Don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to convince him to date you, this normally appears desperate to men. The more you call, the less attracted to you he will be (but he will still sleep with you if he wants).

You've Been Dating For Months, Yet No "L" Word: If it's been 6 months or more, that's because he's not feeling anything for you and he probably never will. There is a saying that ‘a guy usually knows who he wants to be with by the 6 month mark of a relationship’, how true is this I don’t know but I have noticed that for mature and well meaning guys/men this is true.

He Takes Days, Weeks or Hours To Respond To Calls And Texts: You’re not high on his list of priorities. Do not make someone a priority when they make you or treat you like an option.

He Disappears: Big red flag my dear. He’s definitely not that into you. A guy who really likes a girl would NEVER even consider doing this for fear he would lose her.

You’re Asking Him Out: If HE’S not asking YOU out, it’s because he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Men go after what they desire. Period – case closed, pronto. Do not initiate a date. You will not know where you stand with him and he’ll never respect you completely. Become the aggressor and you will have an affair not necessarily a relationship. Withstanding, there are exceptions to the rule and some relationships initiated by women have worked out

He’s Offering A Burger When You Deserve A Steak: If he’s taking you to casual dining places rather than romantic tables covered in white linens, he might not value you unless it is not your thing. Times may be tough moneywise, but at least once or twice a month, he should treat you like he values you. 

You have met online, But He’s Never Asked Your Last Name: That’s because he doesn’t care who you are. Your name could be anything and it wouldn’t matter because it’s the face and the body not the person inside that he’s focused on.

He’s Not Paying For Anything: He’s an opportunist looking for his next victim. He doesn’t value you and never will. He’s a bum. No respectable man lets a woman pick up the tab/bill – EVER. Providing for a woman is what makes a man feel like a man. But my ladies be careful that his providing does not turn to him being a total control freak.

He’s Aggressive About Sex: He doesn’t care to know who you are, but is dying to know what you look like naked.

His Text Or Email Conversations Are Usually No More Than 5 Words In Length: He’s being polite by responding, but he doesn’t really care. If he can’t converse with you before meeting you, he won’t bother much with you while you are sitting across the table from him either but he would probably invite you to his place or ask to see you apartment after dinner to.....

The Ex is talked about Often: He’s hung up and he’s not over it. His heart is elsewhere and he’s emotionally unavailable. If the ex comes up often, you warn him or leave immediately or it’ll only be a matter of time before he’s comparing the two of you in his head and you probably would never live up to his glorified memories of her.

You’re Performing Great Acts of Kindness While He Does Nothing: He’s taking advantage of you and probably referring to you as his cleaning lady to his buds. No man expects a woman he respects and admires to act like a servant. So stop running errands, doing laundry, cooking and cleaning his apartment. You could do these things because you truly want to do them and not because you want to impress him. There is a difference between being nice and coming of as desperate.

He Hides His Phone: Because there are things in there he does not want you to see. He’s communicating with other women, exchanging porn with friends, dealing drugs, stockpiling naked pictures of his exes etc. Any way you view it, he’s not letting you in, but sometimes we just have to trust rather than being paranoid.

He’s Late All The Time: He is being disrespectful and signalling that HIS time is priority, not YOURS. He’s also showing that he does not really care about the consequences of upsetting you.

He Went To An Important Event Without Inviting You: He doesn’t see you as part of his lifestyle. You’re on the side not on the inside.

His Actions Don’t Match His Words: He is a player and he is playing you especially through mental manipulation. He’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear and then doing whatever the hell he wants.

He Refers To Himself As A Player: He’s warning you that he’s in it for fun and games, not long term commitment. A man who wants to be with you long term will NEVER want you to think this of him. But a man, who doesn’t care about you, will want you to think he’s a real catch so you’ll sleep with him to see what all the fuss is about.

He Can’t Commit To Plans More Than 24 Hours In Advance: He’s waiting for something better to do and you’re playing second fiddle. A guy who really likes you will want to take up your days and evenings so that no other man can.

When You’re Speaking, He’s Looking In Other Directions: He’s tuning you out because what you have to say holds no value to him. He is probably bidding his time and going through the motions until the evening progresses and he can then get “to business” with you.

He Repeats Things He’s Already Told You Over And Over Again: He does not remember anything he’s already told you because he is playing games and has no interest in you. He has probably been dating other women and does not remember what he has told each one. This is his game and he’s like a record stuck on repeat going through the motions.

He Leaves The Room To Take Calls: He’s speaking to people you wouldn’t approve of and that he never intends to inform you of.

He’s Gone in the Morning: If he’s spending the night and regularly leaves early in the morning rather than taking you to breakfast or spending the afternoon with you – you’re a booty call and/or friend with benefits.

He Avoids Eye Contact Or Sits Slightly Turned Away From You: He’s distancing himself from you because he has no real intention of ever “letting you in” or becoming emotionally intimate with you. But that doesn’t mean he would not want to have sex with you.

He Just Wants To Be Friends: Translation – he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

He Doesn’t Remember Important Things: If he forgets your birthday or a date you’ve made previously, it’s because you are not important to him. However ladies, don’t expect him to actually remember the day you met, or your first date, etc. We’re talking important events here.

You’ve Never Met His Friends Or Family: If it’s been 6 months and you have no idea who his close friends are or at least seen a family member, he is probably not doing long term or not going to make you a part of his life.

He Only Calls Late At Night Or When He’s Drunk: He’s looking for a “situation” not a relationship.

He’s All Over You In Private, But Acts Like He’s Your Buddy In Public: You are friends with benefit.

He Openly Admits He Hates Things You Love: He could care less about the things you care about. Basically, this means he doesn’t care about YOU and has no interest in getting to know you.

He Chooses Time with Friends over Time with You: You’re providing a nice distraction for him when he has nothing better to do but he will never make you first on the list.

He Makes Promises He Doesn’t Keep: Because you are not that important to him and he doesn’t care enough about you, to be worried if you will leave when he breaks them.

He Doesn’t Defend Your Honour: He does not respect you and doesn’t feel he’s responsible for protecting you.

He Laughs At You, Not With You: He doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings and probably never will.

He Makes No Future Plans With You: That’s because when he imagines or looks into the future, he doesn’t see you there standing beside him.

He Shows No Interest In Things or People You Love: He simply does not care about the things that are important to you or what makes you tick.

You Constantly Wonder, Is He into Me? This is a sure fire way to know . . . that he’s not. Listen to your intuition Ladies. Women have a natural gift and talent in the name of “Intuition”, use it wisely. Once you start questioning your relationship, then there is probably something wrong somewhere.

Notice that all the points above, all point to a lack of interest and care for you. Let us be honest though, some men may do all these points and still break our hearts or leave us disappointed. So there is always an exception to the rule. The points above are just suggestions to help us when we start wondering but as adults we should be able to know when things are working out or not and also know what we can and cannot tolerate from our partner.

These points are just guidelines  and signs to help us move forward, see things or evaluate situations but not to necessarily rely on them to tell us what our relationship entails, we should know that from interacting with our partner. Be cautious ladies, at this time of the year if you don’t feel loved its time to talk about it or move on so you could meet someone else and do not have to waste your time trying to revive something that has no possible future. Logic/common sense should come before emotions.

Photo credit: www.girlsguideto.com, aphroditeastrology.com